One More Step
One more step would mean certain death. Literally.
I do not mean this figuratively or as any other form of speech. I mean that if I dared to take one more step I would be a pile of meat lying in the woods for a vulture craving barbecue. If all the movies I’ve seen before now were anything to go by and if all the warnings we had been given at camp were real, and if the click I’d heard a while ago was real, then I had just stepped on a landmine.
“Let’s go, Ryan, why are you still standing there?" Kayla called out to me.
“I can’t move” I whispered.
“What do you mean? Come…” her eyes widened in realization and then the realization was replaced by fear. “What do I do?” her movements became frantic.
“I could sing?” I joked because I wanted to ease her worries even though I was scared to death myself. It was my life on the line here, but even now I only wanted to make sure Kayla was okay. So I started “Almost heaven, West vir…”
“Shut up, this isn’t a joke and this obviously isn’t Kingsman," she chided.
Kingsman was one of the numerous movies Kayla and I had seen, more she than me though because all I could do was watch her as she experienced different emotions at different scenes. I watched her express empathy as Eggsy was trying to juggle Harry’s memory, I watched her get angry when Whiskey with his lasso whip just wouldn’t die, and I watched her cry as Merlin sang before he was blown to pieces like I would soon be.
That song had been the only part of the movie that stuck for me, and the fact that Kayla didn’t like me singing it because it made her remember the scene made me sing it even more. And then I teased her for weeks about crying for something that wasn’t real. She would always argue and say it was real because the emotion the scriptwriters intended materialized.
That was just one of the many reasons I loved Kayla. She would never let anyone tease her so much that she would want to change who she was, and I took advantage of that to mask how I felt about her. I knew my teasing would not cause any harm so I just kept up with it.
“I’m going to go back to camp and get some help”
“No no, you can’t leave me here, what if something tries to attack me?” I protested.
“You run. Either way, you’ll be dead anyway” she paused “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just really nervous and I tend to say things I don’t mean when I’m nervous, you know this already though."
"What am I supposed to do? I can’t watch you die. This is all my fault, I should never have brought you into the woods. I should have listened. How am I supposed to live without you? You’re my best friend…”
She continued ranting but my attention was cut off by those two words; best friend. That’s what Kayla and I were; only, I had stopped seeing her as just my best friend since I was 14. I just turned 18 last week and I still have not gotten the courage to tell her how I feel about her.
And now, even as I might be facing my death, as she’s pacing in front of me and the strong lavender scent of her shampoo wafts up my nose, I can’t think of a time in my life when I’ve been more fascinated by this woman.
“Ryan, don’t you care that you might die?”
“As long as you’re here when it happens, I can die a happy man” I have no idea why I just said that.
“I mean Heaven would be so much fun if you were there with me” I tried to crack a joke to minimize the effect of what I’d just said but going by the stink eye she was giving me.
I think I made it worse and it was my turn to be nervous. “I’m not saying I want you to die or anything like that, I mean, I would kill myself if anything happened to you on my watch. I would literally curl up in a hole and live out the rest of my days as a mole”
“That’s the weirdest and nicest thing you’ve ever said to me your entire life, the idea that you might be dying is bringing out a part of you that I’ve never seen. I like it” she smiles menacingly causing me to roll my eyes and chuckle lightly. “Tell me more”
I take a moment to weigh my options and decide I have nothing to lose. I was so worried that if she knew how I felt, it would ruin our friendship and I would not be able to deal with losing her. But now, I can tell her how I feel and not be worried about losing our friendship since I wouldn’t even be alive to deal with it.
“I would live out the rest of my days as a mole because what would my life mean if I can’t see you smile or hear you laugh, or watch you watch movies, or laugh at your silly jokes? What would my life mean if I couldn’t stare into your beautiful grey eyes, or tease you about crying over movies which I love by the way? What would life mean if I can’t hear you rant me to me about how annoying boys are, or how much you can’t understand people?
The truth is, I didn’t like you at all when we met on the park swings at age 5, I didn’t like you when you wouldn’t let me speak when we were 6, I didn’t like you when you always stole my smarties when we were 7 and if I’m being honest, I don’t remember a time when I liked you, but I remember the first time I realized I loved you. I was 14 and you had a huge crush on Logan Prescott and I only ever wanted to smash his head when you shared your muffins with him.
I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember, Kayla McCartney but I was so scared that telling you would ruin our friendship. I can't die without letting you know how I feel about you. At least now, when I’m gone you’ll remember this moment forever”.
I could hardly read the expression on her face but shock was evident, and maybe I was seeing things but I saw the ghost of a smile before it was quickly replaced by determination.
“Don’t move. I’m going to get help” She moved hurriedly and because I really didn’t want her to leave me without knowing her reaction to my confession, I moved to grab her and took the step that would lead to not only my death now but both our deaths.
“Ryan!”
Time seemed to slow down as I heard the explosion and saw the sparks of fire and clouds of smoke erupt around me. I lunged forward to protect Kayla from the explosion and we both fell to the ground. It was only when I was lying atop her that I realized there had been no explosion, and everything else was just a figment of my imagination.
I heard her laughing from beneath me and I joined in on the laughter.
“I think I stepped on a twig, not a landmine” I said in between laughs and she nodded in affirmation.
We remained in that position and laughed together for a little longer.
“So you love me?” she said after our laughter had died out. She pushed a stray lock of hair out of my face.
“Yes”
“I knew you glared too much at Logan Prescott to just be protective of me” She rolled her eyes making me smile. “For what it’s worth I was bringing you into the woods to bear my heart out to you too. I was going to say it by the cliff so if you refused I could throw you off of it and no one would ever know I bore my heart out to a boy”
My eyes widened in shock and again she started laughing.
“That was a joke, to an extent.” She smiled “I did want to tell you by the cliff because I heard the view from there is pretty. I hoped it would be romantic and you wouldn’t be able to say no”
“Hm…This is romantic”
“Yeah, thinking you were going to die was very romantic” she rolled her eyes, “Don’t ever scare me like that again Ryan Campbell. I love you too much for that”
One more step didn’t mean certain death; it meant Kayla McCartney loved me and it was the best feeling in the world.