In Another Life

I could kill someone right now.

That's the thought going through my head as my sleep is interrupted for the second time this morning.

The first time, Audrey, my roommate, was preparing for a gym date with her new boyfriend and forced my eyes open to help her pick a gym wear.

And now, it seems like she's responsible, again.

I get out of bed ready to yell at her as I charge out of our room. I'm stopped in my tracks when I hear a voice that sounds all too familiar. It's the voice of a man I know, but I can swear that I have never met.

The sound of his laughter ricochets on the walls of our living room, sending a familiar chill down my spine.

I see Audrey straddling his legs so I can’t see his face, but everything in me says it's him.

I clear my throat to say Good morning but that gets their attention and they come apart.

Audrey gets off his legs and positions herself next to him on the couch. I spare him a glance and I'm almost relieved to find that I don't recognize the face, but the moment our eyes lock my mind flashes to memories of a time when I was with this man.

I hear Audrey say something, but her voice fades into the background as my mind replays memory after memory of a life I couldn't possibly have lived.

There are memories of us on horse racing, of him bringing me flowers, of us meeting in a cottage, of us dancing and drinking in a tavern, of us reading in the library where we first met, of us having breakfast in a café.

I hear Audrey’s voice again, “Meet…”

“Sage”

“Damon”

We say at the same time, cutting off Audrey.

“Who’s Sage? Who’s Damon?” She looks from him to me and then back again. “Do you guys know each other?”

“No”

“Okay. But that was weird” she says. “Hey Nova, I got you that drink you like so much, the one that has kiwi in it”

“She can’t take that. She’s allergic to Kiwi”, the guy, whose actual name is Blake says.

“What? No. She loves that drink. I’ve known her for three years and I still don’t understand her addiction to it”

I want to say something to support what Audrey’s saying but the words are refusing to form. I want to say I love that drink as she describes but I also have a memory of a time when if I ever had something with Kiwi in it, my body would react terribly.

I take one last glance at Blake and sure, his eyes are on me still. I turn and go into my bedroom.

“What the heck just happened?”

***

The weeks that follow are filled with me scouring the internet to find ways to make sense of the experience I had. I look through papers, reports, articles, and interviews for anything that could prove that I’m not going crazy but nothing makes sense.

As if it isn't enough that I had an experience I can't explain, my nights have been filled with more memories of the life I lived with Damon.

Memories of a woman named Sage who looks exactly like me fill every night with a different memory.

It feels like my mind is trying to help me connect the dots between my present and my past, but how can I have a past where I was in love with a man when I've never even had a serious boyfriend?

I give up on trying to find answers and accept that I just might be crazy.

Giving up my search is easy, but being around Blake isn’t as easy. It doesn’t help that I still call him Damon and he calls me Sage, and worse, all seems right in the world when he calls me that.

I also cannot explain the need to always be wrapped in his arms or to feel his touch somehow. I have caught myself too many times that it becomes embarrassing, leaning into him when we're in the same space. And he always welcomes it.

I want all of it to go away. I've known Audrey for three years, it would be unfair to hurt her like this. She's an amazing friend who has had more than her fair share of bad relationships.

Blake is supposed to be her breath of fresh air, he is the first guy she has opened up to in a year and she likes him a lot. She deserves better than being betrayed by her friend and boyfriend.

But I can't help it. I can't help the pull that exists between us. It's stronger than anything I have ever felt in my life and I wish someone would make sense of it.

My mind keeps chewing these thoughts as I'm coming out of Biochemistry class when I feel someone yank my right arm. I turn to come face to face with Blake—or face to chest at least because he towers over me.

I stare into those hazel eyes and again all the memories come rushing. I turn to leave immediately but he holds me back.

“We need to talk”

“No, we have nothing to talk about”

“Stop fighting this Sage, I know you feel this as much as I do”

“No, I don’t and my name is Nova”

“No. You’re Sage. My Sage”, he places his palm on my cheek and I can’t help but rest into his touch.

“I need an explanation for all of this,” I say to him. I can’t help but notice how being with him like this feels just perfect.

“Okay, but we can’t talk here,” he says and walks me to a private area behind the school library. We find a vacant bench in a Gazebo and sit facing each other.

He begins by saying the memories I have are from our previous life. Apparently we’ve had two lives before this one. We fell in love in our first life but couldn’t be together because our families would not approve of our union. We promised each other that we’d try to be together in another life and Fate agreed.

In our second life, we had met again in a bar and would have been reunited but he had died that night.

“Sage, your memories are real. We are meant to be together”

“But we can’t. You’re with Audrey. I can’t do that to her”

“But my heart belongs to you and only you. I belong to you Sage, and deep down you know we belong together”

“I don’t want to believe any of this but these memories feel too real for this to be a lie”

“The emotions too, are real. I love you, Sage, I always will”

I should be freaked out that he just said he loves me, but it feels natural. Like I’ve heard those words many times before.

“I love you too Damon, I always will, but maybe we can be together in another life”

I can't believe I admitted to that.

“There won’t be another life after this one Sage”, a look of understanding passes between us. The air around us thickens with emotion, we lean into each other until our lips meet.

I pull away, unable to move ahead, I look around to make sure no one just saw our public display of more than affection, or close enough. And standing there is Audrey. She stares at me with a look of disappointment, I see a teardrop escape her eyes before she turns to leave.

Then I wake up, again to Audrey's disturbance.