Cleaning Service
I started my day, like any other, by ringing the door spell. A litany of spikes, arrows and swords greeted me. I dodged them as best I could before bending backward to avoid the long reach of the guillotine blade which curved towards my neck level in a climax of blades.
While my client had given me the means to disable the security features at the door, they were much too complicated for me to follow. Thus, I decided the best way to get in was simply memorize the pattern of the defenses on the onset and proceed directly. It was a bit awkward swerving to avoid the various boobytraps while holding a broom in one hand and a bucket full of cleaning supplies in the other, but it did make for an intense workout to start my day.
Once I was certain there were no more surprises, I opened the door and stepped inside. I was certain to lock the door behind me, which no doubt reactivated the security measures to deter any unwanted guests who might try to follow my steed. With that bit of business concluded, I immediately started my day by mopping the floors.
My client’s house was deceptively large. You wouldn’t have guessed it at first. The first time I cleaned here, I reasoned it would be a quick job, in and out without an hour. But my client’s large collection of beakers, potions and wands often hid an expansive maze of nooks and crannies which required their dusting and attention time and time again. I went to work, sweeping and dusting as best I could.
The most frustrating part were the various grimoires scattered throughout the first floor. My client had advised me to simply shelf them so he could reorder them later. My main objective was simply to finish mopping without the massive tomes getting in the way. However, some of the thinnest books were often the heaviest, and a few of them even called to me the moment my fingers touched the rough leather-bound surface. However, I ignored the call of the books - after all, I had a schedule to keep, and no wish to be distracted by such frivolities.
Once I had finished mopping, I set about vacuuming the upstairs. Getting up there was a bit of a challenge, thanks to a labyrinthine set of floating staircases which twisted and twirled against the whims of gravity. But I knew I only needed to be patient. Eventually the stairs curved back into a flat, carpeted surface, allowing me to get back to work.
Finding an outlet took some effort. Magic users had to be careful where they put such things, as they risked interfering with their efforts. I eventually found one usable outlet - on the ceiling no less - but after a creative array of extension cords, I was able to start vacuuming his upstairs.
Most of the upstairs consisted of my client’s living quarters, with several guest bedrooms overlooking the winding staircases I had just entered from. I began immediately moving into the master bedroom, my loudly-humming vacuum sweeping up the dust and dirt deeply encrusting into my client’s carpet.
As soon as I entered the master bedroom with the vacuum, I spotted a beak emerging from under the bed. It was followed by massive wings along with a lanky lion’s body. The griffin regarded the humming vacuum with annoyance even as he leaned back into a cat-like stretch.
“I’m sorry,” I told the griffin as I scratched under his chin. The griffin extended his chin with a chirping purr before sauntering off to some other room where his sleep wouldn’t be interrupted by my cleaning efforts. I cleaned the rest of the master bedroom without any more issues.
I saved the most daunting task for the last - the bathroom. As my feet stepped onto the cool tile floor, I turned on the light. The bathroom appeared clean and tidy enough, but looks could be deceiving. I started with the toilet, lifting up the lid just in time to see several emerald-scaled tentacles emerging from the toilet, spraying water everywhere. I flushed the toilet to no avail as the Old One began to emerge, undaunted by the raging whirlpool.
With no other options, I hit one of the tentacles with my broom several times before bringing the toilet set down on another. It squealed in pain, giving me ample opportunity to grab the plunger, which I plopped right into its scaly eldritch maw. I exerted as much pressure as I could. Somewhere, between my own force and the indignity of its attack, the Old One relinquished its ascent, descending back down into pipes never to return. My victory, however, proved Pyrrhic as I still had the drenched bathroom to clean up.
After another hour of mopping and scrubbing, I was finished cleaning, though I kept my eye on the toilet, just in case the Old One wanted a remake. Fortunately, the water within the toilet basin proved to serene, placid, and above all else, clean. I exited the bathroom, collected my supplies and then promptly made my way down the winding, twisting staircase.
I was exhausted. The wizard’s abode alway took the most out of me. However, my day was far from done. I still had a witch’s cottage up the street to attend to. I collected my payment, contained within an envelope on the kitchen counter, gathered my mettle as best I could, and then headed out the door to my next call.