A Copywritten Hero

"This looks like a nuisance lawsuit. Plus, it's copyright infringement. That's far from what we do," said the old lawyer.

"Wait," said the young lawyer, "You're missing the big picture. Even if we lose, this will be our most valuable client."

The old lawyer shifted in her seat. She'd hired the young lawyer for a reason.

"Okay then, she started." Tell me the story."

-----------------------------------------

I met John while I was at Brown, and he was at the Rhode Island School of Design.

He moved to LA. I moved to New York. We kept in touch.

While I was in law school, he was working as an artist, and things were going as well as expected for him. Friends and loved ones constantly sent him job listings, but John wanted to paint.

He liked looking at things. He could always see the ideas inside of a picture. He enjoyed clearly painting his revelations of the inside on the outside and then forcing people to confront those ideas.

Plus, every other job frustrated the fuck out of him.

He worked night security at a supermarket, tried working as a cook in a restaurant, and even got a job drawing caricatures at an amusement park. This last job was the closest to what he wanted. Still, the pay could have been better, and he wasn't particularly proud of his product.

That's when the “SuperBros” fell into his lap.

John met Chet at the Amusement park. Chet worked in the group sales office and was one of those guys who was only equipped to perform a sales job. He was all rizz, sizzle, and flattery. He loves everything you're doing, even if he has no idea what you do.

Chet thought John's cartoonish drawings of fussy children, awkward teens, and exhausted parents "were amazing." Even though sales weren't his area of expertise, John could smell it when he was being sold to. He knew he was being mined for something; he just had no idea what it was.

Chet was looking for someone to paint a series of paintings that would be converted into NFTs. It was January 2020, and for as much hot air as Chet spewed, he knew when something was worth selling.

The problem with selling NFTs to most people was their "imaginary" nature. Chet's innovation was that he'd get an actual artist to create genuine art, and then the NFT became "icing" on the cake. The real-world art would be kept in a central location. They had a freeport holding facility in the port of LA. Anything contained there remained untaxable. The ownership of the physical property would transfer with the NFT's ownership.

All the fun of crypto, with all the practical aspects of traditional art collecting.

Of course, first, these NFTs needed to be a success. At that point, it was Chet, four of his college friends, and John. John was paid $100 a pop to create the first round of these 30 digital trading cards. All involved would become the first owners of five paintings each. John didn't want to be the subject of his own work. So, the first theme of these portraits would be Chet and his buddies painted in classical portraits - as superheroes.

John did his best to come up with five heroes. He was never a comics guy. So when he started his research, what began as a funny fluke became a running gag.

The first hero he created was "Obsura," a hero who could turn invisible… but only when naked. John thought it funny how something as simple as clothes neutralized this superpower. Next was "Liquidude," who could become liquid. With the same limitation in mind, his powers could only activate when he wasn't wearing a stitch.

At this point, John decided that this would be the theme. This quirk made the job enjoyable, plus it was a not-so-subtle nod to "The Emperor's New Clothes." It seemed the perfect allegory. He'd spent most of his life avoiding these kinds of people, but he was happy to take their money. It also allowed him to practice his classical nude portrait styles.

Chet was a gimmie. He became "Salesman": a man who could sell anything while nude. "Repairman" was a guy who could fix himself if injured - while nude. Last was "QuickThought," a man who could move anywhere at the speed of (naked) thought.

The five "SuperBros" were each immortalized through their own series of six portraits that demonstrated their abilities.

In less than a week, John made the 30 canvas images. The guys weren't necessarily thrilled with their illustrated "powers." But John at least portrayed them as buff, so they let it slide. Besides, they knew the picture wasn't the point. With NFTs, it wasn't about the quality - it was about the novelty. They were selling a quirky image, any quirky image, to the highest bidder.

At the time, $3,000 was a miraculous amount to John. On top of it all, Chet promised he'd pay him even more if this round were successful.

At first, the "SuperBros" series seemed like a flop. But Chet had the slogan "Diamond Hands" tattooed on his chest. Ultimately, he was right, and it all came down to timing.

The "Bored Ape Yacht Club" would take off in a little over a year. Then Beeple would sell his NFT "Everydays — The First 5000 Days" for $69 million. The floodgates opened.

Five days after the Beeple sale, John received a text from Chet. It read, "Look at your Coinbase account." The text was followed by emojis of diamonds and hands. John was officially a millionaire.

One week later, Chet commissioned more artwork.

Three weeks later, John was served with this lawsuit. Copyright infringement by an entity labeled "QuickThought Enterprises."

At first, John thought it was a joke. Not only were these characters obviously his creations, but how could this company he'd never heard of inspire a superhero who didn't exist?

That's when they showed him their evidence. It was a series of Australian newspaper articles. In the articles, they detailed a nude surfer going around Perth, solving minor crimes using the "speed of thought."

They were dated two months before the SuperBros commission.

-----------------------------------------

"What's the hook?" said the older lawyer, I still don't understand what's so special about this case."

"Well," the young lawyer smiled. "What if I told you that the other crypto bros have shown up naked and involved in half-assed crimes all over town?"

"Oh?" she said while leaning in.

The young lawyer continued. "The Obscura guy was caught masturbating in the middle of a women's locker room. Witnesses said he appeared out of nowhere when he... finished. LiquiDude was found naked and trapped inside a vault that happened to have vents in the ceiling but not the floors. He got in mysteriously but couldn't find a way back out. RepairMan was flagged for indecent exposure while participating in an MMA fight. The only two we haven't heard from are Chet and QuickThought. Chet is apparently doing quite well. He’s amassed quite a bit of wealth and used it to disappear."

"Are you implying QuickThought is somehow suing for copyright on a painting he commissioned?" the senior woman asked. "I don't get it,"

The young lawyer looked her straight in the eye. "Imagine you had a superpower where you could transport yourself anywhere by thinking." She paused for dramatic effect. "What if it wasn't just anywhere in place - but also anywhere in time?"

The older lawyer cocked her head. "You think this guy went back in time? Once there, he quietly, locally, becomes a superhero. He does this to falsely prove that he came up with the idea for QuickThought first?"

"Yes!" She slammed her palm on the desk.

"That's absurd." she said, "If this QuickThought guy can travel in time, he could have made money in so many other simpler ways!"

"I don't think this guy is going after money. If these paintings John did gave these guys superpowers. John is the one with real superpowers. What happens if he continues to paint QuickThought? If QuickThought can figure out how to legally control what John paints, he can effectively control the superpower."