Eternal Fools

I've always thought of myself as an ordinary guy. Well, except for one tiny detail—I can't die. Yeah, you heard me right. It's not exactly a superpower, more like an incredibly inconvenient and bizarre curse. For centuries, I wandered the earth, experiencing countless mishaps and narrow escapes that should have killed me. It was starting to get old, really old. That's when I stumbled upon a support group for people just like me.

It all began on a regular Wednesday evening when I found myself cornered by a pack of hungry wolves. Maybe not regular for a normal person, but regular for me. It was as if my immortality seemed to draw near death experiences to me. They lunged at me, their jaws snapping ferociously. My heart raced, not out of fear, but from the sheer annoyance of yet another near-death experience. But, as always, my luck prevailed, and I managed to outsmart the furry assailants. Basically, I ran. I don’t know how it works, and at this point I’ve given up trying to understand why.

Anyway, dusting myself off, I continued my aimless wanderings and eventually stumbled upon a decrepit old building. I often wandered out in the middle of nowhere, trying to avoid the crazy situations I would often find myself in near the city. The building was practically falling apart, but what really caught my attention was the sign on the front read, "Eternal Souls Support Group." Intrigued and desperately bored after wandering around all day, I decided to venture inside. As I opened the creaky door, a peculiar scene greeted me. The room was filled with people of all ages, shapes, and sizes. Some wore bandages and casts, while others had scars that would make Frankenstein jealous. A bearded man with an eyepatch approached me, grinning from ear to ear.

"Welcome, friend! You must be new here," he exclaimed, his voice a mixture of enthusiasm and mischief. "Come, have a seat. You're among fellow immortals."

I blinked, stunned by his words. Immortals? I thought it couldn’t possibly be real, maybe it was a joke, or some sort of club meeting.? I slowly made my way to a vacant chair, suddenly feeling a sense of belonging I hadn't experienced in centuries. As the meeting began, I learned that each member had their own unique tale of immortality. There was a lady who had survived countless falls from great heights, a man who had been struck by lightning more times than he could count, and even a woman who had battled diseases that should have claimed her life.

The stories were incredible, both in their absurdity and hilarity. Some would put their abilities on display. Some of us were capable of being hurt, and some could walk away without a scratch. We all agreed the injured ones definitely had it worse. We shared laughter as we recounted our misadventures, united by the common thread of immortality. It was like finding a group of long-lost friends who understood the strange and often comical challenges we faced.

Every week, we gathered in that worn-out room, offering each other support and endless amusement. We called ourselves "The Eternal Fools," a fitting name for a group of individuals who had somehow defied the laws of nature and stumbled upon each other. One evening, as we sat around in a circle, the bearded man with the eyepatch, Johnny, spoke up. "My friends, I have an idea," he said mischievously. "Let's go on an adventure together, one that no mortal could ever dream of experiencing."

Intrigued, we leaned in closer, anticipation coursing through our veins. The bearded man laid out his plan—an epic quest to retrieve a legendary artifact rumored to grant temporary mortality. Now, coming from an old guy with an eyepatch, it seemed pretty mystical, but then again we were a group of immortals so it’s not as though we were super critical. We would embark on a journey full of peril and excitement, navigating treacherous terrain and facing mythical creatures. With a unanimous roar of excitement, we agreed to the audacious plan. And so, our merry band of immortals set off on an unforgettable adventure, a patchwork group of warriors, daredevils, and misfits.

Our escapades were nothing short of extraordinary. We fell off cliffs, fought off animals, traversed treacherous mountains, and even braved the depths of the ocean. Each challenge brought us closer together, forging bonds that surpassed the boundaries of time and mortality.

Eventually, after countless trials and tribulations, we reached the fabled temple that housed the artifact of temporary mortality. It was a massive golden chalice, shimmering in the light seeping through the tunnel we’d made our way into. It was almost sad to think that this could be it, just as we’d found each other we’d also found a way to bring our adventures to an end.

In a moment of unexpected clarity, I realized that despite our longing for mortality, it was our immortality that had brought us together. We had found solace and companionship in our shared experiences, creating an unbreakable support network that transcended the boundaries of life and death. Just as I was about to share this thought with the group, Johnny started cackling so hard he about fell over. He pointed at the chalice we were marveling at, wheezing as he tried to get his words out through the laughter, “Go ahead, pick it up.”

Amused, I stepped forward and grabbed the mystical chalice to quickly realize it was nothing more than a plastic cup. We passed it around, gawking at the notion that we’d come all this way for a plastic cup in a cave. Slowly but surely the entire group was laughing alongside Johnny. I must admit it was a pretty incredible prank to pull on a group of immortals desperate to find an end to the ongoing curse. It certainly brought us together in ways we wouldn’t have expected. It also made it so that nobody ever trusted a word out of Johnny’s mouth again.

As we left, bringing the plastic cup with us, we returned to our support group, forever grateful for the gift of camaraderie we had discovered. We placed it front and center in the room we met in every week, a reminder that even when it feels like a curse there’s a way to make it feel more like a game. We continued to gather every week, sharing laughter, stories, and the occasional near-death mishap. The stories made us feel more alive, and they became wilder and wilder every week as we pushed ourselves to our limits as we wanted something to share.

It was during one of our regular support group gatherings, and we were sharing stories of our recent escapades. Gary, a lively and mischievous member known for his reckless nature, couldn't wait to tell us about his latest misadventure. Gary leaned forward and said, "Alright, folks, you won't believe what happened to me last week. I decided to test the limits of our immortality in the most daring way possible."

Curiosity piqued, we leaned in, ready for Gary's tale of foolishness.

"I took a cannonball dive into an active volcano," Gary announced, grinning widely.

Our jaws dropped in unison, a mix of shock and disbelief flooding our faces. Taking a dip in molten lava wasn't exactly on our bucket lists, even as immortals. Gary burst into laughter at our stunned expressions. "Don't worry, I had a plan! I wore a special suit made of heat-resistant materials, and I even brought marshmallows for a volcano-roasted snack!" We couldn't help but join in his laughter, relief washing over us. Only Gary would have the audacity to turn such a reckless act into a comical adventure.

"So, how was it? Did you have a nice swim in the lava?" Sharon asked, her eyes wide with curiosity.

Gary shrugged, a dumb grin plastered on his face. "Turns out, volcanoes are hot! Who knew? I couldn't stay in there for more than a second before I had to retreat. The suit wasn’t exactly as heat-proof as I thought it would be, and I was burned in some spots I’d rather not speak of.”

We erupted into fits of laughter, imagining Gary's daring dive turning into a hasty retreat. The image of him emerging from the volcano, singed but unharmed, clutching a partially roasted marshmallow, was too ridiculous to ignore. As the laughter died down, I cleared my throat, “If you guys think that’s wild, you’ll never believe what I did.”