The Simulation
“I saw him again.” The words slip casually from my lips as I drag my finger across Drew’s chest.
“Saw who again?” He strokes my hair, lightly kissing my forehead after he speaks. I could stay in this moment forever. I exhale, almost wishing I hadn’t brought it up.
“The man with the baseball cap and blue eyes, standing across the street from my work.” He rolls onto his side, cupping my cheek in his hand.
“Well, I think it’s best if you just continue ignoring him.” His hazel eyes are dazzling in the glow of the sunset coming in from the window. He presses his lips to mine, and the butterflies alone are nearly enough to make me forget. Yet, as he gets up to shower, my mind drifts back to the mysterious man once more. He looked so desperate to speak to me, like he would have stepped in traffic if I hadn’t turned away. I’d seen him three times now, and each time I’ve wondered more and more about what he had to say.
The night passes by and I wake to a loving note on my pillow from Drew, letting me know he was off to work and would see me later. I could just lay here and swoon at the thought of him. The sun is shining once more, warming the exposed skin of my leg. It’s supposed to be a beautiful day, and I smile as I swing my legs over the side of the bed. Things have been so wonderful lately that it’s hard to describe such a feeling of joy. Drew is the most handsome man I’ve ever seen, and on top of that, he’s compassionate and funny. Truly the whole package. I’m steadily climbing up the ladder in my advertising career, and I rehearse asking my boss for a raise as I brush my hair in the mirror.
I know he’s going to say yes, since he’d already brought it up to me himself. The person looking back at me in the mirror smiles as I think about it further. An image of the man with the baseball cap flashes through my mind, and that smile drops from my face. My stomach twists as though something is wrong, full of dread. I can’t even recall the last I’d felt such a feeling, and it catches me off guard. He’s slightly older than me, the man, and I still wonder about that desperate look in his eyes.
I push the thought away, not willing to let it ruin my morning. If I slip on the outfit hanging on the closet I’ll have just enough time to go to my favorite coffee shop before work and read a few chapters of my new book. I’d just made it into the shop, and was sitting in my favorite corner, when I see him again. He’s standing across the street; his eyes are a piercing blue, and his clothes are rugged in comparison to the world bumbling around him. He’s staring at me; the same way he’s stared at me every time I’d seen him. I start to collect my things, but just as I’m standing to leave, he’s standing right in front of my table.
"Ally," he says, "you need to wake up."
I was taken aback, not understanding his tone or his sudden approach. "What do you mean?"
"You're living in a dream world. None of this is real," the man said.
I shake my head, fear building up in my chest. "What are you talking about? This is my life. It's real." I think back to Drew, my job, the smell of coffee wafting across the shop even as I sit here.
The man sighed. "It's not real. It's a simulation. If you don't wake up, you'll die." He's pleading with me.
Those eyes, once more seem so desperate. He gestures around me as I continue to shake my head, not wanting to believe it. Yet, as I glance around I start to notice small things that don’t look like they should. The clocks numbers are wrong, the people here are people I’ve seen before, and I realize that I see these same people every single day.
My heart starts to pound as I look back at the man. “What’re you doing? What’s happening?”
He only shook his head, “You’re starting to become aware. The haze you’ve been in is lifting, which is why things may look a little different.
I feel the tears well up as I think of just this morning, and how Drew so gently kissed me. “What about Drew? Is not of it real?”
The table creaks as he leans against it, another detail that makes it so hard to accept how this could all be fake. “None of it is real. Drew isn’t real, he’s just another part of the simulation. Please, Ally, just think hard about your life leading up to this point.”
I look away, down at my hands shaking in my lap. I try to remember the day I met Drew, but the memory doesn’t come. The air around me feels thin as I try to think back to my childhood and again it’s as if there’s only empty space where a memory should be. I can’t even remember how I came to live in this city, or how I got my apartment. It’s all just blank, as if it happened in an instant. I could just sit here and sob with the feeling of loss settling into my chest. I could scream and throw things and rage about how it can’t possibly be true, but instead, I look up to the man and ask quietly, “Who are you?”
His eyes soften, “My name is Anthony, and I’m only here to help you out of this place.”
I hold his gaze, determined not to fall apart, "How do I wake up?"
He takes my hand gingerly, and while I’m sure he assumes at any moment I might fall apart, I won’t. “I’ll show you,” his voice is rough as he says it, but there’s a relief in it at my acceptance of this new reality.
We stride out of the coffee shop and only a few blocks down the street. As Anthony pulls me along, I try to take in the world around me, wondering if this may be the last I ever see of it. But as I look at it now, it doesn’t seem right anymore. The chirping of birds sounds hollow, and the people on the street only look forward. It’s unsettling, but I still wish I could say goodbye to Drew, even if he wasn’t real. Anthony leads me to a door that I’d never noticed before. It was small and unassuming, and I realize I had walked past it every day without ever even giving it a second glance.
"Open the door, Ally," Anthony’s hand is pressing firmly against my back, pushing me towards the door.
I hesitate for a moment before slowly pushing it open, stepping through and finding myself in a dark room. The door slams shut, and Anthony’s breath is warm against my shoulder as he steps up behind me. One by one, lights flicker on in the room, illuminating a room full of screens and white walls. It looks like something out of a science fiction movie.
"What is this?" I’m breathless as I ask, not sure how to even move forward.
"This is the control room," he steps forward, "This is where they're controlling your simulation."
“What do I do, where do I go from here?” I’m running my hand over the cold metal panels along the walls, when I look up to see that Anthony is frozen in place, looking straight ahead. I follow his gaze and feel my stomach sink. Drew is standing at the far end of the room, his head cocked at our presence.
“You’re not supposed to be here,” He says. Drew steps closer, and my heart breaks at his words. I don’t understand, I don’t understand how he could be here. My head feels like it’s swimming. I sink to the floor and watch as Anthony stands his ground, not understanding why he’s so determined to help me. I’m so lost in my thoughts I almost don’t hear him call out to me.
“Ally, disarm the system, it’s panel 86.” Anthony looks back at me as Drew continues walking towards us. I struggle to my feet, the shock wearing off as something stirs inside me.
“Anthony?” I remember him now. I remember how we met when I fell off the monkey bars when I was just a ten-year-old girl. I remember our wedding. Memories come flooding back to me, and my heart aches at all that I’ve lost.
“Please, go. I love you.” He throws himself towards Drew, and I stumble away, determined to find my way back to my life, my real life. I won't be controlled.